Signs your spouse is having an affair
As a divorce lawyer for many years, I have seen it all in regards to the tell tale signs your spouse may be having an affair. In the days before social networks and text messages, when a potential client came in suspecting an affair, we had to hire a private investigator to try and catch the philandering spouse in the act. Although nowadays a PI can still be a good tool, in these times of widespread electronic communications, cheating spouses will usually leave a traceable trail.
I plan to cover two topics in this article; first, I want to list several things that I have heard during the course of my career that has tipped someone off to the possibility their spouse was having an affair. And second, I want to talk about a few of the ways we usually set about to actually uncover the affair, after the client reports these observations.
The following actions are all signs that a spouse may actually be cheating:
1. Changed passwords – the computer was set up for each spouse to have their own log in, and the cheating spouse was not using their “usual” password for it. This one is also a concern when the passwords for the cell phone account, the credit cards, or the bank account are unusually changed.
2. Spouse was showering more so than normal – A spouse coming home from work and immediately heading for a shower, in an attempt to wash the smell off of themselves.
3. Keeping their car locked –spouse suddenly begins locking their car. Wife found receipts, bills, and condoms in the car. Wife could not get pregnant, so had no need for condoms.
4. Not available by phone for longer periods than used to, usually around lunch time or right after work hours – these were the times the cheating spouse was sneaking off with a co-worker, and the wife could never get in touch with him.
5. Cell phone is always on silent – cell phone had always been on and open. It changed to being on silent, always turned over, and had a password installed on it.
6. Sudden change in interest to work out/ diet/ or tanning – I see these signs often for men in their 40’s who have never had an interest in their physique, and yet all of the sudden it become an obsession, as they try to appear younger for some new woman, and vice versa.
7. Changing bills for cell phone or credit cards to be delivered to work instead of home address – from the beginning of the marriage these bills were delivered in paper form to the home address, but now there are all being sent to the spouse’s work address, so they cannot be reviewed for suspicious activity. This one goes hand in hand with the changed online passwords for the bank and credit accounts.
8. Strange texts or calls from friends they don’t normally talk to or text with -- this tactic occurs because they will list their lover under a diff name in the phone address book. It will be a name the spouse would recognize if they picked up the phone and saw the miss call, but that the cheating spouse is not in normal contact with the person the wife cannot questions them about the odd call and texts.
9. Forgets to wear wedding ring, or comes home without it on – this one happens quite often. It will be in a pocket of their pants because they have not yet told their paramour of their marital status.
10. Becomes easily agitated with you – This one does not always mean they are cheating, but when added to some of these other deception tactics, it is a red flag for a spouse going outside the marriage.
11. Suddenly starts encouraging you to take trips out of town or girls nights out, when this was never done before – The one manifests itself in the form of pushing “girls/ guys” trips or trips to visit some out of town family. In my experience the cheating spouse will go out of their way to financially take care of all the costs, because they just want you gone to give him free time for the affair.
12. Working extra shifts or later than normal – this is also not a sign itself of infidelity, but it can begin to provide cover for a cheating spouse to conduct the affair.
13. Loses interest in sex with you, when previously had good sex life – When a client reported sex 2 times per week for 15 years, and then nothing for 5 months, she was sure he was cheating, and she was right.
14. Starts trying new sexual moves that were never a part of your sex life before – After a certain number of years with your spouse you generally know their routines in the bedroom, so when all of the sudden new positions you have not seen since you were first dating or requests for you to act in a new way while having sex are all indicators that your spouse has learned something new…the question is where…?
15. Internet history on computer is always deleted – When every time you use the family computer, or your spouses laptop, and the complete internet history is always freshly deleted, this is a big sign that you are not wanted to see what pages they were browsing.
DO You need to hire a Deer Park Texas Divorce Lawyer?
After observing these behaviors, clients usually come to me to get proof of the affair for use in a divorce case. I want to get as much documentation LEGALLY, as I can before the cheating spouse knows they are being followed or caught.
I want access to the cell phone records. I want to know who the affair is with. I have dummy facebook accounts that we will attempt to friend our way into his circle to see if anything unusual is being posted. I may employ the private investigator to confirm or document an affair.
When the lawsuit actually get started and I then have the power of subpoena, I will get all the cell phone records, the text message records, the bank records, and the credit card billing statement. If I know who the girlfriend/ boyfriend is, we will schedule her to give sworn testimony.
One rather huge pitfall I want to point to a snooping spouse. Be careful not to break federal or state law in how you search for confirmation of the affair. For instance, this is one I run into the most often, and I run the clients right out of my office. DO not hack your way into your spouse’s email account if their account is hosted by their work, or some service like google, yahoo, or aol. If their email gets downloaded to his computer through a program like outlook, then the data is on a machine you own(if it is a community asset). But if you access their gmail account without permission, even if you can guess the password, or he told you the password once, or you know the answers to his security questions, you can be prosecuted for a federal felony, not to mention a state felony(like we have here in Texas) for violating the wiretap acts. Without getting too technical, if his email is stored on some other company’s servers, not downloaded to your home computer, it becomes federal felony for you to access his account without his permission.
I have clients come to me all the time with emails showing an affair, but I cannot even look at them because they fruits of the felony that was committed to get them.
I hope you are not dealing with any of these issues, but if you are, keep your eyes wide open and see if you can spot any of the tell tale signs of an affair.
Do you have any other signs of an affair to share?
Dennis
Here at Slate & Associates, Attorneys at Law, we offer a full range of family law and legal services including divorce, paternity, adoption, child custody and visitation issues, child support, spousal support, juvenile, domestic violence, property division grandparent visitation and custody, etc. We have 3 Houston area locations including Deer Park, Houston, and Porter, Texas. Call our offices today and we can set an appointment with an attorney: (281) 407-9254.